Praise Yahweh for His Faithfulness!

As it was by Grace, Jesus' perfect righteousness for my corrupt sinfulness, that I was made a child of heaven - so it is by Grace that I continue to be able to walk. Most of you reading this will not know the great privilege it is to be able to use healthy, functioning, limbs for such everyday tasks as walking, balancing, or carrying things. I used to think nothing of winning presidential physical fitness in high school or having the stamina to roller blade for hours. Since loosing my health a year ago to now slowly regaining it back again, I cannot ignore the daily blessings God gives to sinners such as I (for physical steps as well as spiritual ones)!

There were many days this last year that Rebecca and I could not take another step forward by trusting God in the difficulties in which He had placed us. It was during this time that He graced us with such friends as Gregg & Lynn MacDougall who have been able to walk with us through the heights and depths that our road has taken. We know that without the Holy Spirit’s placing them in our lives, we would have let our own sin and depravity destroy ourselves. Thank you Father, for those who spur us on to be more like You as we travel to Your eternal kingdom!

Knowing this grace compared to myself, I know that it is only by Grace that I will ever amount to anything. Such humility this truth should breed! It is not because of my doing well in life or accomplishing some big scholastic goal that I will be able to stand fearless before God on Judgment Day. I will stand fearless before my Maker solely because Jesus loves me. I know of no more comforting truth.

In light of this, I rejoice in the Lord for the strength to be able to finish Winter Hebrew strongly! I haven't gotten my grade back yet, but I know that I learned to enjoy my second language of Scripture. It was so exciting to translate Judges chapters 1-3:6 during the last month. Lord, continue to teach me that I might live this Word that you've called me to preach!

1/30/07. I never thought I'd see yesterday come. It was a very special day in which:
1) I took my January-term Hebrew final and passed (Yaaay!);
2) I retired the raised toilet seat which has cluttered our bathroom for the last 11 months. It was nice to return home to a smaller, low-sitting, cold toilet seat after finishing a stressful Hebrew final. :)
3) I joined my church's praise team practice for the first time in a year and a half (I'll be finger-picking guitar on Sunday as well as singing and playing the egg-shaker-- yeah! My brother-in-law Alex will also be joining us on drums this week. It was so satisfying and enjoyable to play music for the Lord with part of my family again); and
4) I enjoyed turkey and cheese wraps for lunch with my wife while cuddling up to last year's video rendition of C.S. Lewis' Narnia masterpiece: The Lion, the witch, and the Wardrobe. What a day!

Lord, I thank you for the normal, the difficult, and the extraordinary days of life. Most of all I thank you for walking with me through them all.

Contentedness

During this last year of my life, I've been having to come to grips with the feeling that I'm not very good at much of anything anymore. My disease has had me mainly on survival mode. Sure, I'm capable of so much more physically than I was last year at this time, but as my strength increases so do my responsibilities. This means that my body is always being pushed to be able to accomplish more tasks/goals/experiences of life.

I want to soak life and the relationships with those around me in; partly because there was a time that I could not soak much of anything in, but mostly because I've realized how short life is and how little time we actually have to serve the Lord with our life and and health and strength and abilities. I lost all physical endurance for over a year which I had once taken for granted. I cannot not think of these things as anything but beyond daily miracles for those that enjoy them. The Lord's grace to each of us in found in the smallest of daily details that we must train ourselves to notice. Have you ever looked at a painting or a tapestry? At first glance from a distance, they both seem like ordinary reflections of life. But train your eyes to see the details of what it took to make them and the tiny hours of intimate care that went into painting each brush stroke or each stitch of threat and you'll notice all that you'd missed before. Open your eyes and see the glorious things the Lord is doing in your life and the lives of those around you! Though the long hours and tedious details are often painful and seem pointless, He is making a beautiful painting or tapestry out of each of our lives.

I used to be able to make my way around on the the guitar or practice the piano for hours (the latter, even as recently as last summer) but the physical requirements of playing either of them now seem a strain on my body in the midst of the ups and downs of life in recovery more than they provide for personal enjoyment. Instead, I love to sing and listen to others use their gifts of music to praise the Lord (now with a new sense of appreciation for the talents God has given them than I ever have before). I used to be able to roller blade at lightning speed, go crazy at racquetball, or run for a couple of miles before feeling fatigue. Now it is all I can do to use a stationary bike for 15 minutes when there's nothing else going on in my life. But when I'm involved in living and doing other things, just keeping up with the demands of eating well, going to my one class, studying, spending time with my wife, family, friends, and sleeping -- these things are all that I can handle. So what truth am I holding on to when I find myself discouraged by all the things I can't do right now?

Living life to the fullest by using what little abilities I feel the Lord has given me right now to be able to exercise is just as glorifying to my Jesus as being a full time seminary student, influencing many people through a dynamic pastoral ministry, or making enough money to be financially independent from my family. Yeah, if all I have the energy to do each day is sit in a corner and breathe (and I have nearly been there at times over this last year), such is the MOST eternally productive and God-glorifying thing I can be doing. The evaluation of faithfulness is not based on how much we accomplish, but simply on doing our best at what we are given to do. May I never forget this amazing truth Lord Jesus.

In the Heat of the Battle

It is the beginning of week 2 (of 4) of my Winter Hebrew course at Westminster Seminary. This is definitely the hardest semester I've ever taken, though I'm finding the more I apply myself to it, the more enjoyable it becomes. This is a great encouragement to me.

Yesterday, I had some difficult news. It appears my muscle breakdown levels have again gone up. I'm now at 2714 (a normal man is around 500). I never knew the road to recovery from a neurological disease would have so many ups and downs.

I'm asking my readers to pray for me during the remainder of this very rigorous mental (and for me, physical) month. I attend class for 3 and 1/2 hours each day and then study the rest of the day until I go to bed.
1) Pray that my body physically would have the strength to keep up with the demands of the course in order to learn the material well. If I get behind even one day, it will be like skipping out of a week of normal classes.
2) Pray that my heart will stay motivated to keep studying even when I'm tired.
3) Pray that I wouldn't get prideful in doing well and achieving study goals, but stay humbly grateful to God, the giver of all good gifts.
4) Finally, pray that I would stay well rested so that the stress-affect on my disease during this crunch time would stay minimal. Also, pray that the Lord would give the doctors wisdom as they continue to monitor my treatment.
Grateful to be learning Hebrew so as to know God better in His Word,
Christopher

Never thought I'd get to do this again!

The blessings continue to abound to me as I am daily given the grace to live a second life. You see, if it weren't for the mercy of God last January in sparing my life by my emergency hospitalization, I wouldn't be here today. That's right-- I should have died apart from God's intervention in helping the doctors discover my medical condition and begin treatment! I shouldn't be here today-- living, writing this blog, or studying Hebrew in seminary.

So the question that I keep coming to is this: how should I live this day differently knowing it is my second chance at life? Well, for starters I'm enjoying the big and small things of life much more than I ever did before. Like being able to spend my two weeks of Christmas break with the people that God used to bring Rebecca and I to this place: our families. I never thought I'd get to travel like that again. Praise God for seconds! Nor did I expect to have the strength to enjoy shooting pistols with my dad again. Father, thank you for life, health, and the strength to be able to enjoy so much of your created handiwork.